Honestly, before ELM I felt a little hopeless. I believed I was just like this, and nothing could ever change. I desperately wanted to express what was going for me on the inside - but I was so frightened of judgement. I felt gripped by fear, and so I closed myself off from the world. I was a prisoner inside my head. My body would go into meltdown, I couldn't get my words out, or I couldn't find them. I would feel an array of uncomfortable sensations inside, tightness in my jaw, chest and throat, numbness in my hands - you would think the world was about to end. My heart would beat so fast sometimes. I held myself back from so many opportunities because I didn't believe I was able, and I was so scared people would find out that I was 'completely flawed and was not very good at anything'. Oh, how I wanted to give that sweet smart and loving girl a big hug and whisper to her 'everything is going to be just fine - it's going to be marvellous'!.
Working with Christine and Juliette is like being wrapped in a warm fuzzy blanket, whilst being sang the sweetest lullaby, followed by a few bumps in the night, that shake you to your core, yet you wake after a restful sleep, you rise and shine, step out of your blanket and shout out to the world 'Good morning glorious world, I am awake and I am ready for a beautiful day with you'.
I finally felt like I owed it to myself to find ME. I was ready to know what it feels like to be embodied. How else would I become an embodied leader who inspires others to be embodied, than to become one myself?
I now believe in myself and allow myself to be vulnerable. Opening up and realising that I don't have to be perfect. I just have to be ME - and that in itself is kind of perfect. It has opened up a whole world of compassion inside. I am very sensitive and was full of anger at the injustices in the world. I was suffering, and I hated seeing people suffer. I still do, yet it feels different. Now I can regulate what is going on inside, and instead 'fight' from a place of love - there is nothing more strong than love, nothing more important than friendship and kindness - that you give to yourself, to others, and receive from others. No longer do I feel like a one-woman warrior without the strength to fight. I now feel supported, loved and guided - I have love on my side. It's ok to feel it all. It's ok to let big emotions move through my system. I can't solve all the worlds' problems, but I can make adjustments in how I let these affect me. This way, I am strong, and I have the strength to make little changes where I can. And that is enough - for now.
I've feared that I didn't believe that I could change. I didn't believe I could commit to the change either - it was much 'easier' and much 'safer' to stay where I was. But gradually that went away - I made a promise to myself to give it my all. And boy, what a good promise I made. And I'm still making...
I'm going to be frank. What have you got to lose? And yes I know... there is the commitment of time, money, your 'safe space' on the table. That is scary as fuck - I get you. But look at it like this way, if you will. If you resonate with anything I have said, and you feel completely disembodied, unable to reconcile what is going on inside, then why ever would you not. I know how that feels, and my dear it doesn't have to be that way. What you want to feel is already there just waiting for you to explore. And, sometimes it helps to be lovingly guided & shown where to find it. I believe that when we invest in ourselves and our growth, not only do we grow inside, it ripples out like water in a pond and touches the lives of others. How cool is that! And when we make this investment, life congratulates us and returns to us tenfold.